Episode 25
§ Cooper’s ‘surefire’ hangover cure:
You take a glass of nearly frozen. unstrained, tomato juice- you plop a couple of oysters in there- you drink it down. Breath deeply. Next, you take a mound, and I mean a mound of sweetbreads. Sauté ‘em with some chestnuts and some Canadian bacon. Finally, biscuits- big biscuits- smothered in gravy. Now, here’s where it gets tricky- you’re going to need some anchovies...

§ Gordon Cole’s ‘best cure for a hangover I ever came across’:
RAW MEAT AND PLENTY OF IT. YOU BREAK AN EGG ON IT. ADD IN SOME SALTED ANCHOVIES, TABASCO SAUCE, WORCHESTERSHIRE SAUCE....

§ Windom Earle is monitoring conversations in Truman’s office via a bug he planted in a bonsai plant. Earle’s inner ear gets a wake up call when Cole leans over and roars: Bonsai! Remember those old world war two movies? BONSAI!!!

§ Gordon Cole to Shelly:
HELLO! I WAS WONDERING IF I MIGHT TROUBLE YOU FOR A CUP OF STRONG BLACK COFFEE AND IN THE PROCESS, ENGAGE YOU IN AN ANECDOTE OF NO SMALL AMUSEMENT. THE NAME IS GORDON COLE AND I COULDN’T HELP BUT NOTICE YOU FROM THE BOOTH... AND... WELL- SEEING YOUR BEAUTY NOW I FEEL AS THOUGH MY STOMACH IS FILLED WITH A TEAM OF BUMBLE BEES.
Shelly: You don’t have to shout. I can hear you.
Cole: I HEARD that! I HEARD THAT! I HEARD you PERFECTLY! You don’t understand Miss Johnson. For 20 years I’ve been asking people to please speak up, but for some reason I can hear you clear as a bell. Say something else.
Shelly: Um, ah, do you want pie with your coffee?
Cole: Good Lord, I can hear you perfectly. This is like some kind of miracle.
Log Lady: What’s wrong with miracles?
Cole: WHAT’S THAT? WOULD YOU PLEASE ASK THE LADY WITH THE LOG TO SPEAK UP?
Shelly: Would you like some pie?
Cole: Massive, massive quantities and a glass of water, sweetheart, my socks are on fire!

§ Lucy: Andy, I want to thank you for helping out during the weasel riot yesterday- which is more than I can say about a certain Dick we both know.

§ Ben: Audrey, look, I know that I haven’t been a very good father. Oh hell, who am I kidding? When have I ever been anything but a sleazy rapacious heel?

§ Hawk, Cooper and Truman cheer Andy’s rappelling efforts on from below:
C’mon Andy.
Get a good grip, Andy.
You can do it.
Amost there.
Good!
Take it easy.
No, no no- don’t look down- no!
Hang on Andy, don’t look down!
Andy- Andy? Don’t look down!
...
...Andy?
You okay?
Andy: ..... I’m fine.

Episode 26
§ Pete: It’s a puzzle box. I saw one of these at a crafts emporium on Guam. I was there taking a little R and R with the Doolittle twins. There was a monkey show you would not believe! And Dale Doolittle- he was the larger of the two. Come to think of it, for twins, they weren’t all that much alike-
Catherine: Peter!!
Pete: Sorry Poodle.

§ Lana: There’s something I want you to do for me, darlin’
Dwayne: I’ll do anything that body and mind can stand. Surely the last few days have been proof of that!

§ Ben: Mr.- uh-?
Dick: Richard Tremayne, men’s fashions.
Ben: Men’s fashions, of course. Tell me, how is your, ah, nose?
Dick: Oh, Mr. Horne, think nothing of it. A nose is a small price to pay in the service of a greater good.
Ben: Uh huh. Well we will, of course, pay any medical expenses.
Dick: How kind. One might also think worker’s compensation in some variety will be involved?
Ben: Easily done.
Dick: Capital, Mr. Horne. I’ll alert my attorney.
Ben (mimics) ‘I’ll alert my attorney’... (mutters): Sometimes the urge to do bad is nearly overpowering.

§ Doc Hayward: Miss Twin Peaks judging and rules committee is now in session... Mr. Horne has asked to address the committee...
Ben: Gentlemen... The age of the ogling swimsuited jiggle-festival of the past is dead. Miss Twin Peaks, I believe- and rightly so- is now a celebration of the totality of a woman’s qualities. Beauty has taken on a broader definition to include mind, spirit, values, ideas. And for taking this step, gentlemen, I applaud you.
Dwayne: What’s he selling? What are you selling??

§ Later that evening Dick Tremayne presides regally over the Stop the Ghostwood Development Wine Tasting soiree:
Dick: We must first examine the nose of the wine to see what it can tell us about its bouquet. And we do that by...?
Lana: Smellin’!
Dick: Very GOOD Lana!
Lucy: Hmph!
Dick: What flavors are we enjoying?
Lucy: Tastes kind of... woody.
Dick. No. Not really. Anyone else? Lana?
Lana: Mmmmm...... Banana?
Dick: Yes, there is hint of banana. That is the metachloric acid. Very good.
Lucy: Banana! Hmph!
Andy: Chocolate!
Dick: Correct Andy!
Lucy: Why don’t we just skip the wine and have a banana split??

§ Gordon Cole: Shelly, turn around and face me a moment before I lose my nerve. I’m about ready to leave Twin Peaks and I don’t know when I’m going to return. But I want you to know meeting you has been more than a privilege; it’s touched my heart. And I know that if I don’t kiss you now I’m going to regret it the rest of my days.
Bobby: Hey!! What the hell is going on??
Cole: You are witnessing a front three quarter view of two adults sharing a tender moment. Acts like he’s never seen a kiss before.
Cooper: Ah, Gordon-
Cole: Take another look, sonny, it’s gonna happen again!

Episode 27
§ Lucy: Tomorrow is D-Day, Dad Day. In 24 hours I will choose the father of my child.
Deputy Andy Brennan- (Andy breaks out in a wide goofy grin)- or clothing salesman Dick Tremayne- (Andy’s face falls)...

§ Windom Earle, filling out the front section of a pantomime horse costume remarks over his shoulder: Leo! It looks like you finally found your calling!

§ Cooper snuggles up to Annie as they dance cheek to cheek.
Cooper: Your body feels nice against mine.
Annie: I was just thinking the same thing.
Cooper: Stop me if I’m being too forward.
Annie: I want more than just your kisses.
Cooper: For instance?
(sound system squeals)
Mayor Milford: Is this thing on? (Cooper glares at Milford) Damnation! Is this damn thing on??

Episode 28
§ Lana tows Dick and his flashlight into a dark storage room in search of “a very important prop”.
Dick: I’m having trouble-
Lana: Well, just flick it.
Dick: What are you looking for?
Lana: Well, now, I don’t remember the exact technical name for it- oh, I think this might be it.
Dick: Oh. By George, I think you’ve got it.

§ Ed: Norma and me are planning on getting married.
Nadine: Really? Well, that’s wonderful, Eddie. CUZ MIKE AND ME ARE GETTING MARRIED TOO!! (sounds of bones snapping emanate from Nadine’s grip on Mike’s hand. Tears start welling in Mike’s eyes and he begins screaming in pain.)

§ Over at the Miss Twin Peaks gala, Mr. Pinkle won't stop draping himself over the Log Lady who keeps shoving him away with distaste.
Backstage, Bobby starts seeing duplicate Log Ladies.
“ So, what-?” Bobby snorts, “Did you bring your whole family?”
But it’s lights out for Bobby as Log Lady #2 (W.E.) clocks him over the head with ‘her’ log.

§ Doc Hayward: The new Miss Twin Peaks- Miss Annie Blackburn!
Dwayne: This is an outrage! She’s been living in this town about 15 minutes! And what the hell happened to YOU??
Dick: (sheepish) She gave a beautiful speech....

Episode 29
§ Andy and Lucy ponder the finale of the Miss Twin Peaks contest.
Andy: Were you afraid, Punky?
Lucy: I was on the stage at the roadhouse and the lights went out. I kept thinking, ‘the lights are going out, the lights are going out’, and then they did. And it all went black. And I kept thinking, ‘It’s so dark! What about hand signals? What good would they do us now?’”

§ Pete bursts into Truman’s office: Grand theft auto! The Log Lady stole my truck!... Twelve rainbow trout in the bed!

§ Unbeknownst to Bobby, the bank has just exploded, Will Hayward has just laid Ben Horne out cold, if he hasn’t killed him, and Annie Blackburn and Cooper are in terrible peril. So who can blame him for musing: “Leo? Leo is out in the woods having the time of his life!” (Cut to a shot of Leo’s shaking mug, his choppers desperately clinging to a length of twine that is all that rests between him and the gently swaying cage of spiders swinging over his head...)

§ Gordon Cole:
Cooper: "There's some curious linkages here." (Referring to the Project Blue Book files)
Cole: "THE WORD LINKAGE REMINDS ME OF SAUSAGE. NEVER CARED MUCH FOR THE LINKS-- PREFERRED THE PATTIES. BUT BREAKFAST IS A REAL GOOD IDEA!"
Submitted by -E. Ashley Moyer