From:
• Excerpts from Scott Frost’s ripping 195 page novel 'The Autobiography of F.B.I. Special Agent Dale Cooper', aka “My Life, My Tapes” •
1. Cooper's journey into manhood
July 21, 1969 2 A.M.
July 21, 1969 5 P.M.
July 5, 1970 11 A.M.
April 19, 1973 9 P.M.
July 1, 7 P.M.
October 20, 5 P.M.
October 22, 5:30 A.M.
November 7, 10 P.M.
2. Cooper's sleep deprivation experiment
December 27, 1973 11 P.M.
Dec 28, 12 A.M.
"The Autobiography of F.B.I. Special Agent, Dale Cooper My Life, My Tapes"
('as heard' by Scott Frost)
© 1991 by Twin Peaks Productions, Inc.
ISBN: 0-671-74400-3
By Scott Frost
include:
1. Cooper's journey into manhood, and;
2. Coop’s sleep deprivation experiments
3. Even more highlights from 'My Life, My Tapes'
(including a wonderfully detailed book review.)
Armstrong and Aldrin are back in the LM (Lunar Module). Dad still sits in front of the TV, eating peanuts.
Mom has gone to bed. Bradley and his folks went home an hour ago. Am not sure how to describe what
happened with Marie. Looked in the scout manual under outdoor adventures but could find nothing that
resembled what took place...
She said I should lie down next to her, which I did. For several moments we looked at the moon and said
nothing. Then Marie said it.
“Dale, do you ever think about me... you know?”
I swallowed, and carefully tried to examine the way the question was phrased. It was the “you know” part of
the question that I was most unsure about. I answered, “I think so.”
Marie thought a moment, then replied, “I think about you.”
I nodded, and said, “Good.”
Marie smiled. “I didn’t understand it until I saw men walking on the moon, but I believe God has a plan for
everyone, and are part of it. Do you understand, Dale?”
I said that I thought I did.
“So am I,” said Marie. She then picked up my hand in hers and hit the nail on the head.
“Pray with me, Dale.”
There are moments in a person’s life that you dream about and hope for. This turned out not to be one of
those moments.
Have thought about the events of last night several times. Should have tried to kiss Marie when she had her
eyes closed and was praying. Wonder if I’m condemned to forever be a virgin. This situation must take full
priority right behind achieving Eagle [scout] status.
Saw Marie this morning. She thanked me for saving her tennis shoes, and said that she was sorry that I was
going back to the city. She then swam out to the float and began reading her Bible.
... I do not believe in God, at least one who isn’t actively working against me.
Am not sure of the direction my life will take at this juncture. I am sure of nothing except that to believe you
know where you are headed is not to understand where one is at the moment. Saying that, there are several
things I am interested in. The circus, puzzles, and sex.
Have been rejected by a small traveling circus that I sent a letter of introduction to. The owner of the circus
pointed out that anyone who would write a letter seeking employment from a circus was probably not the
kind of person they were looking for...
I should note that I have been greatly disappointed in the amount of sex I have been encountering... My
tendencies toward quiet meditation do not foster contact with the opposite sex. Wonder if attending an all
male college is a mistake.
I was passing an athletic field and was struck on the back of the head by a field hockey ball. I then seemed
either to have lost consciousness for a brief moment or was a sign painter in a small Mexican village. Upon
waking I found myself staring at a vision of beauty in a plaid skirt, holding a very large wooden club. I
believe I told her that I was in love with her or else I had slipped back into the Mexican village and was
yelling at a dog who had spilled my paint. Her name is Andy, her eyes are blue, her hair red, and I
apparently did not tell her that I was in love with her because she apologized for spilling my paint. We
talked for a short time after locating some ice for my head, and decided that we would meet at the
homecoming bonfire tomorrow night...
I do not know where it was that we made love. We ran into the darkness away from the flames. I believe the
sound of running water could be heard. We reached a spot shaded from the moon by several large trees. We
kissed. Our clothes seemed to fall away without the slightest touch. We lay in tall grass that seemed to wrap
around us, covering our bodies like snakes. Her body moved and swayed next to mine as though we had
been together for more years than either of us had lived. A stick jabbed my right buttock, causing a
momentary halt so Andy could apply some firm pressure to stop the bleeding...
... Andy informed me that this very morning she was leaving for an exchange trip to Holland and said she
would look me up when she finished studying dike construction- in six months. She told me not to follow
her because she was meeting her husband at the airport.
I do not claim or pretend to understand the world. The sun comes up. the sun goes down. That is all that
appears certain from where I sit at the moment.
Am going with Howard, a geology student down the hall, in search of mature and fully formed formations
to a local bar. He says I need to get laid in the worst way. Can’t imagine what he thinks the worst way to get
laid is, but anything is better than sitting in my room.
...From the look of the woman I last saw Howard with, I have every reason to believe that getting laid in the
worst way is exactly what he is in for. I am now on my way back to campus, alone, but at least disease free,
which is something I suspect Howard will soon envy.
Have decided that as long as I am home with some free time, I will use the time wisely and undertake to test
certain limitations within the human body that I find bothersome.
The first is sleep. Roughly half of our life is spend in the quiet solitude of slumber. Outside of the obvious
benefits of dreams and physical rest, I find it to be unacceptable that the same benefits cannot be achieved
without such a commitment of time.
I am therefore going to attempt to establish two things. First, the duration for which my body can function
effectively without sleep. And second, the minimum amount of sleep required to sustain a high level of
operation...
Feel fine. Mental capacity functioning at a high level. Motor abilities suffering no impairment.
1 A.M.
... Have decided to forgo coffee for the sake of scientific accuracy. No greater sacrifice has ever been made
before in the name of science...
2 A.M.
Strong and alert.
3 A.M.
What ever happened to Ronald Colman? And what was the name of the fifth Marx brother? Feel strong.
Mind functioning at high level.
4. A.M.
God spelled backwards is dog. Believe that the test pattern used in television is similar in its ability to clear
the mind to a spinning Tibetan prayer wheel. Last hour completed fifty pushups in sixty seconds. Aside
from a slight heaviness in the eyelids, feel tip-top.
5 A.M.
The first blue hints of the sun are beginning to break on the western, make that eastern horizon. A
barbershop quartet just sang the national anthem on the television. Had no difficulty singing along without
forgetting any of the words.
6 A.M.
Sunrise. All is well.
7 A.M.
Feel stronger now that the sun is up. Am convinced that we do not need to spend as much time sleeping as
we do. Also believe that peanut butter and bacon have been neglected as food groups, particularly when
eaten together.
8 A.M.
Am sitting behind the wheel of the family car. Have detected no loss of my driving skills while it does seem
that many of the people driving around me have suffered a loss of their driving skills.
9 A.M.
The perfection of design that the modern doughnut represents has been overlooked by the academic world.
One perfect circle of air-cushioned dough encircling another one of empty space. Few achievements in this
century have equaled this level of form marrying function. It should also be noted that they taste damn
good.
10 A.M.
Feel alert, strong, and fit. Am beginning to think that sleep is much overrated.
11 A.M.
Suspected for a short time that there was a man hiding in my closet. Investigations turned up
nothing. Believe he slipped out through the window when I was attempting several headstands.
12 P.M.
Still no problems. Appears the voice I was hearing in the closet was not a voice at all but echoes from my
own chanting as I was doing headstands.
1 P.M.
What did ever happen to Ronald Colman?
2 P.M.
Noticed first detectable sign that my motor skills are deteriorating. Attempted to tie a bowline around a
watermelon and hang it from the ceiling light. The knot slipped and the melon impaled itself on the bedpost.
Am pleased to note, however, that there is no reduction in my mental capacity.
3 P.M.
Note that sex drive does not appear to be affected by sleep. Penis firm and erect after only seventeen
seconds of viewing Miss December.
4 P.M.
Think I have made a terrible mistake going to college. Have decided to become a shepherd and spend my
days tending to flocks of goats.
5 P.M.
Am not sure, but have the strangest feeling that the last hour of my life was burrowed by someone in the
animal husbandry business.
6 P.M.
Darkness is falling. My mind and body feel strong and alert. Have checked all closets in the house to make
sure that none of the little people are hiding in them.
7 P.M.
Discovered a watermelon impaled on my bedpost. Dad says that he is worried about me. I told him that all
is fine, that Dale is just conducting a small experiment, and that he would be done soon.
8 P.M.
I have never liked the name Dale. Always wish I had been born an Apache and named Ten Sticks. Why, I
do not know.
9 P.M.
Counted eighty-three stars in the sky before they began jumping around and hiding behind the moon. Three
more hours and I will have proven that sleep is not necessary to a complete and balanced way of life as long
as all the hall closets are locked.
10 P.M.
Have drawn a self portrait of myself. I find my use of line is assured and bold. My drawing touches the
inner self that I am only now beginning to understand.
11 P.M.
Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer. All is wheel... well. I do not like large
bugs with wings.
December 29, 12 A.M.
Have now completed forty-eight hours without sleep. My mind is clear. Am now convinced that Lee Harvey
Oswald did not act alone in Dallas. It is my belief that a man standing on the sidewalk of the grassy knoll
holding an umbrella had a gun concealed in the device. It is also clear to me at this late hour that the death
of Marilyn and that of the president were not unconnected. I find as I bring this experiment to a close that I
am very much in command of my facilities. And that the need for sleep is a much overrated
assumption.
This is me, Ten Sticks.
December 30, 3 P.M.
Have just gone over my tapes of the previous days. The evidence would seem to speak for itself. I became a
public health threat at about the forty-four hour mark of sleep deprivation.
It should also be noted that as I finally let go of the conscious world and drifted into sleep, the most
extraordinary and vivid dreams I believe I have ever experienced flooded my subconscious. I do not seem
to remember most of them, but when I woke, the watermelon had been eaten and all the seeds placed inside
my pillowcase.
3. More from (and about) 'My Life, My Tapes'
Click on the link that follows for even MORE from Cooper's 'autobiography' - including numerous highlights and a book review.
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